My Learning - Part 8 - People

Great people: Definition

I use the term "great people" a lot in this post but when I tried to define what I mean with "great people" it turned out to be harder than I thought.

I ended up with:
People who make me greater when I spend time with them
or
People who teach and/or influence me to act in a way I want to act
 

Great people: Common attributes I look for

• Passion for learning
• Positive attitude
• Curios
• High standards
• Passion for teaching their skills
• Not accepting excuses (neither from themselves nor from others)
• Action-oriented
• Open and including personality
• Not money-driven (but may have been)
• Thankful
• Not necessarily talkative but communicative
• High energy
• Eager to interact with other great people
• Have experienced success as a result of hard work
• Devoted to understand rather than being right
• Self-aware
• Humble
      

Why I value great people

• Reminders
  I see the great people having fun as they learn and I see how they use those learnings to accomplish amazing things. This inspires me to do the same.
      
• Routines and standards
  When I'm with passionate learners I learn from, get inspired by and pick up these people's routines and standards. These routines and standards are often cornerstones in maintaining a high level of effectiveness, motivation and energy.
      
• Learning as the social norm
  When learning becomes the social norm I feel more comfortable performing learning activities that might otherwise seem strange or eccentric. It also builds a healthy expectation on myself to learn: "Everyone else does, so I probably should too".
       
• Reaction to not learning
  Mental blocks, bad luck or distractions can make me lose interest in my learning. A bad combination is that when this happens I'm usually the last one to have the energy necessary to get back on track. When I'm surrounded by passionate people there will always be someone who reacts though: "I haven't heard much from you lately, is it for a good or a bad reason?". This is usually the first step on my way back.
      
• Learning becomes a healthy distraction
  When I'm exposed to other people's learning their work becomes a healthy distraction meaning if I'm bored I might go and read that book my friend recommended or write a blog post rather than play a video game or watch a Netflix series.
      
• Never running out of options
  Being exposed to many passionate people's learning means I have an abundance of content recommendations, topics I can explore or interesting, creative activities I can try.
     
• Clearing blocks
  Sometimes I run into a challenge I just can't manage on my own. Having people around me who have run into the same block or know others who have, means I got plenty of people who can help me remove or move around it which lowers the risk of me losing interest due to the block.
      
• More opportunities
  I mentioned how opportunities guide my learning more than goals in part 2. What's interesting with opportunities is great people tend to get exposed to great opportunities. Having plenty of great people around me means I get access to many of the great opportunities they get.
      
• Fame rubs off
  If I "succeed" is something I can impact but not control. What's interesting though is if I "succeed" (get a great job offer, get recognized by some important person etc.) my "fame" kinda rubs off to the people around me. The same is true the other way around. An example of this is my super-peer: Helena Jeret-Mäe. When she has been presenting at big conferences I have a few times been getting new followers on Twitter and/or seen the interest in my blog increase which positively impacts my own chances of success.
     
• Efficient learning
  Having a passionate friend share the things they think will be the most useful to me is the closest thing I know to beating the 24h/day limitation; I get the best of all those hours they've spent studying delivered in just a few minutes.

To summarize:
Greatness is contagious!
 

3 golden rules

1. Put myself in positions where I can meet great people
2. Take initiative
3. Give everyone a chance but after that be selective
       

How I find people

The easiest way for me to meet great people is to put myself in positions where great people are.

• Attend local meetups and events
• Attend conferences
• Attend courses
• Organize events
• Offer mentoring
• Let friends introduce me to their friends
• Participate in public exercises and challenges
• Create or join special interest groups on social networks
• Post in public discussions
• Use "social hubs" (people with large networks) to help me find new interesting people
• Ask for mentoring and coaching

I also try to make myself visible so that people can more easily find me.

• I blog
• I comment on blog posts and articles
• I do public speaking
• Some of my public speaking engagements are recorded and available online
• I try to be a good, helpful person making others more willing to recommend me
• I accept challenges thrown my way as long as I can fully commit to them
      

Make it happen

I can meet millions of great individuals but if nothing happens I'll be forgotten by all of them; so I try to take initiative.

I'll once again give you a bunch of examples since they're applicable in different situations:

• I introduce myself
• I attend the same events as the other person (create an opportunity to meet again)
• I invite them to a lunch or dinner
• I ask if they want to do some exercise or activity together with me
• I try to sit next to them/near them when we're attending the same event
• I ask them questions
• I challenge them (in a polite and respectful way)
• If we have a common friend, I can ask that friend to introduce me
• I do some quick social stalking (check Facebook, LinkedIn or similar) to see if there are any relevant overlaps; maybe we've worked for the same company before. This helps me communicate better with them.
• If the person has a professional blog, podcast or YouTube channel, I check the content so I can comment or give feedback; it also helps me pick relevant topics when we talk.
• If I'm at a workshop and we're suppose to form groups I'll be the first to stand up and ask the people I want to meet if they care to form a group with me.
• ... or I just go: "You seem like an interesting person, care to join me for a chat?".

It seems to me that most people want to meet new passionate people, they just don't dare to take the first step, which is something I can help them with.
 

Value

This is by far the most important point I'll make in this blog post!

I focus on what I can bring to a relationship and let this dictate my behavior.

Let me repeat:
I focus on what I can bring to a relationship and let this dictate my behavior.

Here's a short list of things I can provide in a "learning relationship":

• Mentoring or teaching
• Coaching
• Give the other person the opportunity to practice coaching or teaching
• Inspire and/or energize the other person
• Practice/conduct an experiment together
• Share ideas or experiences
• Organize something together
• Help them solve a problem
• Help them create something
• Make them feel smart and/or valuable by showing genuine interest
• Give them honest, constructive feedback
• Make them laugh
• Share a contact
• Offer my time and/or expertise, for instance I can review one of their articles
• Share a recommendation (book, video, pod etc.)

Obviously I have limited amounts of time so I have to prioritize and the value I think I can get back (long term) impacts who I'll prioritize (spend time with).

Finally: This doesn't mean I won't suggest topics/activities, ask for help, ask questions, ask for favors, stop conversations or take initiative; for a person to be able to know what kind of "stuff" I'm interested in I need to be open about it (what's the value of a conversation where we have no common interests) and it can even relieve the other person of responsibility that person might not want anyway (that awkward situation when two people look at each other waiting for the other to take initiative). What it does mean however is if I sense that the other person isn't interested in the topic or in me (right now), I won't force a conversation even if I'm interested.
 

Interacting with my heroes

• They're a person just like me, so I try to treat them like any other person I know:
  Joke, show interest, allow myself to be vulnerable etc.
      
• I try to come prepared:
  Time is often limited so I need to prepare what questions I want to ask, what I want to share etc.
      
• Focusing on what I can bring becomes even more important:
  Usually I'll get plenty of great stuff back but even if I don't; if I've focused on providing (not forcing) value to the other person I've likely strengthened our relationship and great relationships with great people = Great.

It's about being helpful and friendly, not about trying to impress or getting something back.

At the end of the day any hero is just a passionate human trying to have a good time. Any way I can make that happen is a reason for them to later help me or a way for me to thank them for help they've already provided... it's really that simple...

... and yes, I sometimes I want to make a good impression in a very short amount of time which leads to stupid shortcuts (e.g. bragging) but I genuinely try to follow these guidelines.
 

Show appreciation

(this is a reminder to myself, feel free to skip it)

Something I want to do more frequently is showing appreciation to people who've helped me. For instance when I've listened to a great podcast I want to tell the podcast host that I sincerely appreciate her work or I want to tell an author that her book made a great impact on me and what that impact led to. There are some learning benefits to this as well but listing them feels silly because the real value is helping a great person understand their greatness and I know way too many great people who doesn't...

"Giving is the best gift of all", like some wise person said...
 

Thank you!

Finally, this is an opportunity for me to thank some of the great people who've meant more to this blog post than they'll ever take credit for:

♥ Helena Jeret-Mäe
♥ Göran Bakken
♥ Magnus Hübsch
♥ Lukas Bergliden
♥ Robert Gistvik

I would be nowhere close to where I am today without you!

Back to the overview
     

Digital K-Cards

The page is taken down since I felt I didn't need a web server anymore.

If you want the code, drop a comment or contact me via Twitter / LinkedIn.

A few days ago I was still in the Alps with my colleagues at House of Test, mixing some recreation time with test discussions. During one of these discussions we had a lot of parallel tracks going on and the immediate question when people raised their hand was "is this on the current thread or is it a new one?" which took a lot of focus away from the topic. Some of us started improvising K-Cards. I used a background color app which cycled through a dozen different colors, Carsten had something similar and Ilari used two different glasses of beer.

After this discussion me and Lars Sjödahl joked about creating a K-Card app. A few hours of programming later and the K-Card "app" was born (click anywhere on the card to change color):
K-Card example: http://brickarp.se/kcard/index.htm?text=5&image=http://brickarp.se/kcard/hot.png
K-Card information: http://brickarp.se/kcard/info.htm
K-Card setup form: http://brickarp.se/kcard/setup.htm
K-Card generator: http://brickarp.se/kcard/get_card.php

Main features:

• Turns your phone (or similar) into a fullscreen K-card.
• Card number, logo on the card and whether or not to include the rat hole card can be customised.
• Can be used offline (no server components for the actual card).
• A card generator created for e.g. conferences helps provide unique card numbers for all attendees.

If you have suggestions, questions or find bugs, leave a comment or contact me in any other way you prefer.

Finally: Thank you Andreas Cederholm, for spending a few moments to test the app!
Notice though: It's probably still quite buggy due to several changes after Andreas tested it.

Enjoy!

Reflections and feedback request on communication

This is a post in which I will mostly ask for your help rather than me trying to help you. If that's not what you're after, feel free to skip to "Improving my communication" further down.

So what I would like from those of you still reading is any:

• Exercises
• Experiences
• Advice
• Helpful ideas
• Free speculation
• Things to look into
• Things to think about
• Other stuff you think might be helpful/useful

... related to what I'm about to describe. I leave it up to you to decide how to feedback but some suggestions are as comments to this post, email (brickuz(a)gmail.com), Twitter (@brickuz) or Skype (brickuz). Thank you so much for taking your time, I value this tremendously!

Disclaimer
I will talk about drifting as something bad. In many cases following thoughts to explore new ideas are  (I think) a great way to learn but the drifting I refer to is drifting away from a point I'm trying to make ending up with me not coming to any point.

I will also talk about communication only as verbal communication that is not (suppose to be) one-way.

Slowing down my tempo

I speak very fast, something I've done for as long as I can remember. The more excited I get the quicker I speak but it's an issue long before I get excited.

Problems: Sometimes people find it hard to pick up what I'm saying, it creates a barrage of words which makes people lose interest, it (I think) affects my credibility and it makes people lose track making it hard to get what I'm trying to say even when they stay interested and hear the words.

So far I've tried to actively lower my tempo but I quickly forget about it when discussions get intense or when I'm excited about the topic (as a passionate person that happens constantly). I've read before that it may be connected to stress, which is probably a factor and I'm trying to work on that as well, but I doubt it's the main reason. After all I've done this ever since I was a kid.

Lowering my voice

I often talk loud.

Problems: It can make it somewhat uncomfortable to listen to me for long stretches and it leaves a bad impression, especially when it's used to drown out other speakers (unfortunately not uncommon). The fact that I have a somewhat high pitched voice makes it worse I think.

I don't have perfect hearing but I also don't think that really affects this. I would rather say it's a bad habit I haven't learned to control. It also seems there's a connection between me raising my volume and my tempo which makes me believe there is something else that is the main problem.

Come to the point

I often have a point I want to make but I tend to drift off, simply because something pops up in my head and it immediately turns into words. A special case of this is when I throw out a claim and start reasoning around it (is it really true or not) as I speak. I do this in a way that, I don't think, is really helping anyone. Finally a third variant is I associate something said to something in my head giving me a starting point but not having any point to move towards. Even though this is the case I start talking and often end up in a situation there I'm desperately searching for a point to make AKA rambling.

Problems: A very common end result is lots of words, few relevant points which in terms makes people lose interest.

I try, but once again often lose the ability to when excited, to stop myself and just end my rambling as soon as I realize I've forgotten where I'm heading.

Stop interrupting people

I often interrupt the person speaking because I have a point, association or addition that fits in exactly at where we're at.

Problems: Apart from being rude/giving a bad impression, I make the speaker lose track/miss out on valuable information and it seems that interrupting others also makes it more okey to interrupt me more often.

My greatest ally in this so far is a well developed empathy. Thanks to it, "something" stops me and says: "if I speak now I'll likely hurt the person speaking's feelings, or at least rob him of the chance to shine"... not remotely close to stop me often enough though.

How did I come to these conclusions?

• Stopping and reflecting on what just happened after I've gone bananas in conversations
• I'm blessed with some really smart friends who care enough for me to give feedback
• Observations of how people react to/act after I've spoken/rambled.
• Reflecting on things said by people who don't like me.

Isn't this "just the person I am"?
I believe we all have various characteristics, like being impatient or humble. These provide us with some ups and some downs. I'm quite satisfied with the characteristics I have so I'm not really trying to "take the me out of my communication" but... it's also a lot about skill. Sure I get impatient or excited and that affects my communication, but on top of that there's a lot of skill I want to improve.

Why does this happen

Apart from impatience and excitement another thing that seems to "passively" affect my communication is fear. First it's the fear of people not letting me into a conversation. This, based on my own observations/reflections, makes me interrupt more often as well as keep talking without letting other people break in. The fear of not coming back into the conversation also gets worse the longer I go as I know people will hesitate to let me in again, for good reasons, when I stop. This is of course very counterproductive as people will stop listening at some point. Reading what I just wrote actually sparks some thoughts, we'll see where that ends up.

Second is the fear of forgetting about something that, important point, in the moment seems incredibly important (not so much when I say it though). I try to battle this by bringing a notebook but so far it hasn't improved the situation much.

Related to these fears there seems to be a mismatch between how I evaluate the "wow factor" of a thought inside my head compared to how it comes out. I don't think this is based on poor construction of the message, rather that I exaggerate the importance in my head. I think this mismatch is an important factor for me to generate a constant flow of ideas to explore so the problem is probably not the mismatch itself but rather that nothing stops my brain from communicating all those thoughts as soon as they pop up.

Improving my communication

In general, to battle these problems, I try to remind myself that people will only remember a few things I say (in general at least) so I better make sure that what I want them to remember is what's in focus rather than having it mixed up with a million other words and thoughts.

I try to stay aware of my though process and create a small gap between thinking a though and speaking the thought so that I can quickly make a rough estimate of: "is there a point relevant for this conversation in what I'm about to say".

I try to think more egotistically: When listening I generally learn more than when speaking. This way of reasoning has also made me use questions more often to still bring the conversations in directions I find interesting. One byproduct of doing this is I tend to communicate my own messages a lot more efficiently when baking it into this "question driven approach". Questions also help me stay focused on the current topic rather than drifting away. I thank Peksi and his exercise, as well as RST with James, for helping me learn how to do this.

Taking time to reflect, like in this blog post, helps me to become more aware of what I should think about/practice when speaking. Just getting this far has made me more aware of the silliness in many of my bad habits and ways of handle fear.

Moving on

Apart from putting my trust in some great things coming from those of you who have read this (grateful once again), one thing I've realized during these reflections is I should record my conversations and try to learn from listening to myself more often. Apart from learning more about my patterns I hope it'll make me better aware of how/when/why my speedy rambling kills any substance within.

Also I need to go into "practice mode" more often, observing myself as I speak and try to tweak the why/when/how/how much I talk instead of keeping my head busy with figuring out more things to say.

... I should do this kind of reflections more often it really generates interesting thoughts!

Wrap up

Thank you for surviving this rather long blog post. Please share your experiences and ideas regarding:

• Speaking slower
• Speaking more quiet
• Getting to the point
• Stop interrupting people

I really appreciate any input I can get!

(I keep coming back to the idea that I maybe should release a recording of me rambling... well, let's save that for another time .)